Friday 30 September 2011
Thursday 29 September 2011
Alex Reviews
Star Wars: Blu-Ray Edition
Episode I - The Phantom Menace
Spoiler alert up above, by the way.
Phantom Menace came out when I was a wee lad, and because I'd only seen the original trilogy a few years prior in their re-release in cinema, my expectations weren't as high-strung as they might have been had I been around in the seventies to see the original release. So I didn't care that Jar Jar Binks was annoying as hell, I liked the podracing, I didn't think Anakin was at all annoying, and the final fight scene was the most bad-ass thing I'd ever seen. Now, in my twenties, it isn't as magical as it was, but I don't harbour the same hate for it as many older Star Wars fans.
So what is different? The major thing to talk about is Yoda no longer being portrayed by a puppet. In Episode II: Attack of the Clones, we were introduced to a Yoda capable of duelling in what was either a hilarious, disappointing or amazing fashion. To do this, Yoda had to be CGI, and it looks like Lucas wanted some sort of continuity in the prequel trilogy, so he opted to make Yoda CGI in Phantom Menace as well. I take this as a positive; the puppet Yoda that originally sat on the Jedi Council didn't look as good as the Yoda from Empire Strikes Back, which is weird considering they were made a substantial time after the original films. He just didn't seem as lifelike, so the CGI version at least makes up for this by giving Yoda more movement and expression.
Anything else? Not really - it just looks a hell of a lot better. There are a lot of films released for Blu-ray that don't really need to be - there's no reason to see Bridget Jones in Blu-ray edition unless you wanted to see just how wavy Hugh Grant's locks really are, whereas films like Avatar or Inception, you'd want to see such epic films with an image that gives them justice. The Star Wars saga has the films that you want to see in the best picture possible, and Phantom Menace sure looks good; even if most of the focus is on the podracing and Gungan city.
I'm more interested in seeing how Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith pan out, as Phantom Menace was probably the least exciting entry in the prequel trilogy, despite having the legend that is Liam Neeson on cast.
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"But what I do have are a very particular set of skills..."
Tuesday 27 September 2011
Alex Reviews
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
Somehow I managed to book the hottest day of September to go to the cinema to watch Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, but I can't say I regretted it. I haven't read the book, nor have I seen the television series or any other adaptations, and to be honest I was quite intimidated by the prospect of seeing this film. The trailers that I'd seen showed it to be dark and complex, and often I find that I shy away from films that are going to take too much concentration. But, with the reviews piling in and with the exemplary British cast, I couldn't let it pass me by. And the film is good. A lot of the time, you may be struggling to keep up with what is going on, but it never lets you get so far behind that you lose the thread entirely. It's very well shot, with a distinct lack of colour throughout. The acting is superb, with the likes of John Hurt, Mark Strong, Colin Firth, Benedict Cumberbatch and Tom Hardy around to support the typically brilliant performance of Gary Oldman as the lead. There have been whispers of an Oscar nomination for the role, and though it is definitely early to say, I think it is a well deserved nomination at least.
The film follows British Intelligence in a mission to uproot a mole within it's own organisation. A spy film for the more mature audience, there aren't high speed car chases, gadgets or shoot outs, but the 'spies' still exude 'coolness' in each of their operations. One particular moment that I quite liked is Gary Oldman's character's trick to check if anyone has entered his house before him; a simple idea but one of those tiny things that will make you think "oh - that's clever". And throughout the film, Oldman keeps his cool in a way that you can only expect a seasoned operative to do; wise with age and experience. He may not be a spy like James Bond or Jason Bourne, but you'll have the same sort of respect for him as you would Colombo - never overexerting himself to get the job done. And the support cast are just as strong, each providing complex and interesting characters that you'll wish you knew more about, with Cumberbatch and Hardy's character's worth a special mention.
Overall, this isn't a film to see with the lads or with a girl/boyfriend, unless they all want to see it as much as you do. It takes concentration to get through, and you'll feel like you have to take in every detail. A bit slow to start, but you'll be gripped after the first half an hour or so, and then the time will speed by until the final acts. A serious film for serious people, and a serious contender for Academy Awards. Go Brits!
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For the guys....
Melanie Iglesias
Follow her (on Twitter...not ACTUALLY follow her) here
Through the YouTube sensation, Phillip de Franco, my attention has been brought to one of the hottest women I have ever seen, as expressed in these two videos from her. Lads, ladies, whoever - do enjoy.
If anyone wants to get me something for Christmas/Birthday/National Alex Day...
Follow her (on Twitter...not ACTUALLY follow her) here
Through the YouTube sensation, Phillip de Franco, my attention has been brought to one of the hottest women I have ever seen, as expressed in these two videos from her. Lads, ladies, whoever - do enjoy.
If anyone wants to get me something for Christmas/Birthday/National Alex Day...
Saturday 24 September 2011
Eurogamer Expo 2011
So, somehow I managed to win entry to the Eurogamer Expo 2011 this weekend (I have a feeling that it was somehow due to answering a questionnaire on The Raiding Party site, ch-ch-check it out), so I thought I'd share some of my impressions of the coverage they had for some of the games that are set for release in the near future. Now, I am an avid gamer, but I'm not die-hard enough to wait in a queue for hours just to play 15 minutes of a game, so there were a lot of the more popular future releases that I wasn't able to get hands-on time with, but I had a look over the shoulder's of a few people who were willing to wait for the opportunity.
Elder Scrolls: Skyrim
As soon as I got into Earl's Court I high-tailed it to the Skyrim demo which had around 30 plus widescreen televisions hooked up to an Xbox 360. We started off on the character creation screen where I was presented with the races and customisation options for each. Now, we didn't have long, and I was reminded of this by one of the booth attendants, so it wouldn't have made much sense to spend too long creating a character, but from what I could see the amount of detail that has gone into the process is spectacular. I opted to create a more human looking character (Breton), and ended up making him look something akin to Captain Jack Sparrow. You have the option to customise pretty much every part of your character's facial features; you can add flecks of dirt to give him a more barbaric look, add scars of different shapes and sizes, laugh lines, and seeing as that was all I really had time for I can only presume that the level of detail continues from there.
With character created, I began. Straight away I was in the snow-cropped mountains, and I made my way out into the world. After pressing a few buttons and switching from first-person to third-person view, I realised that my character was dressed in rags; not befitting to such a cold climate. So, with ease, I was able to look through my items to equip myself in iron armour, with a heft axe and shield to protect myself with. After a few more moments of traversing I overheard an attendant mentioning the magic skills, so I decided to equip some fire-magic in my left hand in place of my shield. Within the first few moments, I didn't really encounter anything but lush landscape. I passed a stream, examined some interesting rocks (no, really), and every now and then spied something small running through the undergrowth. I have to say, I did all this veeerrrryyyyy sloooowwwlllyyy. I don't know if it is just because I am used to fast paced game, but I found myself longing for some sort of sprint button, because it seemed to take a while to walk down a fairly small path. But, on reflection, I think that this is actually a good thing as it allowed me to appreciate the graphical work put in, meaning there will be less chance of me rushing around and missing the finer pieces of Skyrim's world.
I reached a small village that I recognised from some of the Skyrim demo's already shown. I decided to talk to a few people, refrained from killing a chicken that blocked my path, and had a little go at iron forging. I liked this part, as instead of the rather slap-dash way of repairing and creating items in Fallout 3 or Oblivion on workbenches and such, here I could actually see my character hammering the hot metal needed to create an iron dagger. You can skip this, there is nothing keeping you watching the scene, but it is a nice element that will add to the role-playing experience. Then I was off again, and a little further up the road away from the village I spied my first victim. As he was a fair way away yet, I decided to switch my load out to bow and arrow. I crouched, fired...and missed a few times. It would obviously take some practice. In any case I had to switch back to my axe pretty quickly, and I frantically slashed and smashed my way through a few random strangers who I hope were evil in some way. The most satisfying part of combat is the execution style finishing, and I can tell I will be testing out each type of weapon available to see if the animations differ in interesting ways. The only thing that marred my experience was the game freezing mid-battle...well, more accurately, I froze. I don't know if it was a spell or a glitch, but I couldn't move my character in any way while some barbarian hacked at me. I didn't know what to do, but then rather comically my assailant fell down some stairs in her attempts to lop my head off and killed herself, which somehow freed me from my ambivalent state. Who knows?
I didn't have long left so I traversed higher up the mountain where the snow was thicker and a few more enemies awaited. What I did find was that the shadows of birds in the sky kept having me frantically looking upwards for dragons, which I'm sure will be common practice when the game hits shelves on 11-11-11.
Mass Effect 3
This was my second port of call, and because of my impatience I jumped onto a demo that was already half-way through so I didn't get to experience the full package, but I was impressed none-the-less. The demo had me taking out Cerberus thugs with the help of Garrus and Liara, but because the person before me hadn't bothered to upgrade Shepherd in any way, I wasn't left with any tricks to use, which was a shame. However, combat was still very satisfying; with headphones on and a vibration friendly controller, firing pistol, assault rifle or submachine gun felt particularly badass. The guns feel like they pack a real punch, but not to the extent of the new mêlée option. Whipping out my omni-blade to carve into a unsuspecting mercenary means that rushing headstrong into attackers is no longer a suicide move. Yes, cover is still important, but you'll definitely feel like more of a hero when you vault over cover to punch your target to the ground, compared to hiding behind a wall and peppering them with shots. The graphics weren't overly different from Mass Effect 2 on the Playstation 3, and I would have liked to have had a few conversation moments to see if they've adjusted any of the mechanics, but overall I'm still counting down the days until March 2012.
Uncharted 3
When I played through Uncharted 2, I didn't really stick around much for the multiplayer; especially when Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and Call of Duty: Black Ops were about. So when the Uncharted 3 demonstration was based solely on multiplayer, I wasn't expecting much. And to be honest, not much was different, though it was definitely fun to play. I think my ability to play shooters competitively has been marred somewhat by the COD games, as I am so used to the fast paced first person nature of deathmatch games that I find myself slowing down immensely as I try to aim at an opponent in an over-the-shoulder view. But the free-running aspect still makes for a more entertaining experience than most shooters, and I'm still looking forward to the cinematic sequences in the story campaign.
Final Fantasy XIII-2
I forgot to get a picture of this one, oh well. Final Fantasy XIII was an interesting instalment - the graphics were great, the complicated gameplay was pretty well implemented, but the characters and story didn't draw me in quite as well as some of the previous games. But, Final Fantasy XIII-2 looks good, with more interactive cutscenes (God Of War style) which may make the game much more enjoyable to sit through. It made me want to find my copy of the previous game, so I think that's a plus, and the graphic as usual looked immaculate.
Batman: Arkham City
I definitely should have waited to play this hands-on, but the problem was...I actually felt intimidated! I've never played a MMO before, especially not on the PC, and so putting me in a pool of 20 other people playing at the same time was a bit daunting. But that didn't stop me from sticking around to watch what looks like the Star Wars game to end all Star Wars games. But, because I didn't play it myself, and because I didn't get to see some of the parts that I wanted to see, I can't say much about this. BUT the release date has finally been announced; pre-order it while you can!! http://www.swtor.com/preorder?sourceid=eag3106
Sonic Generations
I had a little go on this one because rumours had said that this game looks like it will make up for the last few Sonic the Hedgehog games to spoil our screens (yeah, you know, the ones with werewolves and giant cats?). I'm fairly certain the whole game isn't like this, but the part that I played was essentially a 3D version of the old school Sonic games - side view and everything. The only problem is, it's fast, just like those games, so sometimes it got a bit frantic with too much to see and so little time to react. But it definitely looks promising
There were a number of other games that looked pretty good, of which I will summarise here;
Monstermind - Another addictive game for facebook, but looks a lot more rewarding than Farmville or Mafia Wars. You have to check it out to understand; sort of a social take on SimCity - with monsters!
Saint's Row: The Third - This game looks crazy! The bits that I played had me in a car with a tiger in the front seat alongside me, and firing an octopus launcher...yeah?! Where GTA IV was grey and dreary, Saints Row : The Third looks full of life
Lord of the Rings: War in the North - Definitely a game that you need to play online with friends; was a bit hard to get into, but could be an exciting outing to Middle-Earth
Dark Souls - The unforgivingly hard RPG from Japan is back and promises even more player deaths - it looked as if the graphics had received an upgrade, but no doubt it will be just as infuriatingly terrifying as Demon Souls
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 & Battlefield 3 - The war of the shooters has begun, Battlefield's graphics look amazing and COD:MW3 looks well oiled and ready to have millions playing online
Assassins Creed: Revelations - More of the same; there aren't any huge changes as we follow Ezio again - but the multiplayer was very popular last time round and so we can expect some improvements there as well
A special mention to Alienware - I don't PC game that much, but they look SO cool and I doubt you can find a PC that'll play the high-end games to the quality that Alienware do...I want!
Elder Scrolls: Skyrim
As soon as I got into Earl's Court I high-tailed it to the Skyrim demo which had around 30 plus widescreen televisions hooked up to an Xbox 360. We started off on the character creation screen where I was presented with the races and customisation options for each. Now, we didn't have long, and I was reminded of this by one of the booth attendants, so it wouldn't have made much sense to spend too long creating a character, but from what I could see the amount of detail that has gone into the process is spectacular. I opted to create a more human looking character (Breton), and ended up making him look something akin to Captain Jack Sparrow. You have the option to customise pretty much every part of your character's facial features; you can add flecks of dirt to give him a more barbaric look, add scars of different shapes and sizes, laugh lines, and seeing as that was all I really had time for I can only presume that the level of detail continues from there.
With character created, I began. Straight away I was in the snow-cropped mountains, and I made my way out into the world. After pressing a few buttons and switching from first-person to third-person view, I realised that my character was dressed in rags; not befitting to such a cold climate. So, with ease, I was able to look through my items to equip myself in iron armour, with a heft axe and shield to protect myself with. After a few more moments of traversing I overheard an attendant mentioning the magic skills, so I decided to equip some fire-magic in my left hand in place of my shield. Within the first few moments, I didn't really encounter anything but lush landscape. I passed a stream, examined some interesting rocks (no, really), and every now and then spied something small running through the undergrowth. I have to say, I did all this veeerrrryyyyy sloooowwwlllyyy. I don't know if it is just because I am used to fast paced game, but I found myself longing for some sort of sprint button, because it seemed to take a while to walk down a fairly small path. But, on reflection, I think that this is actually a good thing as it allowed me to appreciate the graphical work put in, meaning there will be less chance of me rushing around and missing the finer pieces of Skyrim's world.
I reached a small village that I recognised from some of the Skyrim demo's already shown. I decided to talk to a few people, refrained from killing a chicken that blocked my path, and had a little go at iron forging. I liked this part, as instead of the rather slap-dash way of repairing and creating items in Fallout 3 or Oblivion on workbenches and such, here I could actually see my character hammering the hot metal needed to create an iron dagger. You can skip this, there is nothing keeping you watching the scene, but it is a nice element that will add to the role-playing experience. Then I was off again, and a little further up the road away from the village I spied my first victim. As he was a fair way away yet, I decided to switch my load out to bow and arrow. I crouched, fired...and missed a few times. It would obviously take some practice. In any case I had to switch back to my axe pretty quickly, and I frantically slashed and smashed my way through a few random strangers who I hope were evil in some way. The most satisfying part of combat is the execution style finishing, and I can tell I will be testing out each type of weapon available to see if the animations differ in interesting ways. The only thing that marred my experience was the game freezing mid-battle...well, more accurately, I froze. I don't know if it was a spell or a glitch, but I couldn't move my character in any way while some barbarian hacked at me. I didn't know what to do, but then rather comically my assailant fell down some stairs in her attempts to lop my head off and killed herself, which somehow freed me from my ambivalent state. Who knows?
I didn't have long left so I traversed higher up the mountain where the snow was thicker and a few more enemies awaited. What I did find was that the shadows of birds in the sky kept having me frantically looking upwards for dragons, which I'm sure will be common practice when the game hits shelves on 11-11-11.
Mass Effect 3
This was my second port of call, and because of my impatience I jumped onto a demo that was already half-way through so I didn't get to experience the full package, but I was impressed none-the-less. The demo had me taking out Cerberus thugs with the help of Garrus and Liara, but because the person before me hadn't bothered to upgrade Shepherd in any way, I wasn't left with any tricks to use, which was a shame. However, combat was still very satisfying; with headphones on and a vibration friendly controller, firing pistol, assault rifle or submachine gun felt particularly badass. The guns feel like they pack a real punch, but not to the extent of the new mêlée option. Whipping out my omni-blade to carve into a unsuspecting mercenary means that rushing headstrong into attackers is no longer a suicide move. Yes, cover is still important, but you'll definitely feel like more of a hero when you vault over cover to punch your target to the ground, compared to hiding behind a wall and peppering them with shots. The graphics weren't overly different from Mass Effect 2 on the Playstation 3, and I would have liked to have had a few conversation moments to see if they've adjusted any of the mechanics, but overall I'm still counting down the days until March 2012.
Uncharted 3
Final Fantasy XIII-2
I forgot to get a picture of this one, oh well. Final Fantasy XIII was an interesting instalment - the graphics were great, the complicated gameplay was pretty well implemented, but the characters and story didn't draw me in quite as well as some of the previous games. But, Final Fantasy XIII-2 looks good, with more interactive cutscenes (God Of War style) which may make the game much more enjoyable to sit through. It made me want to find my copy of the previous game, so I think that's a plus, and the graphic as usual looked immaculate.
Batman: Arkham City
I didn't really get to play Arkham City as by this point the queues had started and I couldn't be arsed to wait around, no matter how awesome the caped crusader may be. But I did linger annoyingly over someone's shoulder while they played through. I'm liking the new locations; Arkham Asylum was great but the dreary darkness got dull after a while; so swooping around a cathedral sounds like it could be a blast. The combat looks simple, meaning you again will be able to feel like Batman when you play; being surrounded by ten goons will be a piece of cake once you're guided through the counter-moves and gadgets. Looking forward to seeing more of Catwoman and Robin too!
Star Wars: The Old Republic
Sonic Generations
I had a little go on this one because rumours had said that this game looks like it will make up for the last few Sonic the Hedgehog games to spoil our screens (yeah, you know, the ones with werewolves and giant cats?). I'm fairly certain the whole game isn't like this, but the part that I played was essentially a 3D version of the old school Sonic games - side view and everything. The only problem is, it's fast, just like those games, so sometimes it got a bit frantic with too much to see and so little time to react. But it definitely looks promising
There were a number of other games that looked pretty good, of which I will summarise here;
Monstermind - Another addictive game for facebook, but looks a lot more rewarding than Farmville or Mafia Wars. You have to check it out to understand; sort of a social take on SimCity - with monsters!
Saint's Row: The Third - This game looks crazy! The bits that I played had me in a car with a tiger in the front seat alongside me, and firing an octopus launcher...yeah?! Where GTA IV was grey and dreary, Saints Row : The Third looks full of life
Lord of the Rings: War in the North - Definitely a game that you need to play online with friends; was a bit hard to get into, but could be an exciting outing to Middle-Earth
Dark Souls - The unforgivingly hard RPG from Japan is back and promises even more player deaths - it looked as if the graphics had received an upgrade, but no doubt it will be just as infuriatingly terrifying as Demon Souls
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 & Battlefield 3 - The war of the shooters has begun, Battlefield's graphics look amazing and COD:MW3 looks well oiled and ready to have millions playing online
Assassins Creed: Revelations - More of the same; there aren't any huge changes as we follow Ezio again - but the multiplayer was very popular last time round and so we can expect some improvements there as well
A special mention to Alienware - I don't PC game that much, but they look SO cool and I doubt you can find a PC that'll play the high-end games to the quality that Alienware do...I want!
Saturday 17 September 2011
University: Don't do this....
I've moved back to university so now hopefully I'll have a hell of a lot of things to do with my time. Except I've moved in a week early for prior commitments, so at the moment I am the only person on my floor, probably the only person in my building, and definitely the only person in my room...I hope. Anyway, this is actually my final year of university, and since this gives me a false sense of superiority I am going to list a few things that you should not do when you go to university or college or whatever, especially for any freshers that are hoping to make their CV's look awesome with some sort of degree under their belt...hopefully you've missed the increase in fees!
Don't Take Too Much Stuff
I was definitely guilty of this during my first year, much to my father's (taxi's) chagrin. Yes, it is a big deal that you are moving out for probably the first time in your life, and yes, you want to make sure that wherever it is you're staying, it has all the things that make you feel at home, even when you aren't. But trust me, a lot of the stuff that you take, you really won't need. Obviously kitchen utensils, clothes, toiletries and all that, but you really don't need that much else because you just accumulate so much stuff while you're away (that's what student loans are for right?). At least limit yourself. That DVD collection can at least be put in a DVD wallet, and if you're a real film buff, just invest in a Lovefilm account or something. Don't buy the textbooks before you arrive; usually past students will be selling them for cheaper, and to be honest if you're sneaky you can find most textbooks in the university library. And plates and cutlery etc, how many do you really need? I know that they usually come in sets, but unless you're totally against washing up, you'll probably only need three plates at most; you aren't likely to be serving dinner for a host of people.
Don't Stay in Your Room
For a lot of people it can be hard to interact with strangers, and that's fine - there are more people in the world like that than you may think. But if you stay holed up in the safety of your room during the first few days while you acclimatise to your surroundings, you're going to find it really hard to get out of the bubble you make for yourself. Some people are okay with that, but if you want people to knock on your door to let you know that they're planning to go partying, you want them to be knocking to ask you to come along, not because they want you to let them back in at 2 in the morning because they know you'll still be up crying into your lonely pillow (exaggeration - it is possible to live at university and not particularly interact with your housemates; especially during your first year as it will be unlikely that you keep in contact with all of them after fresher's year is over)
Don't Get Smashed During Fresher's Week
Yes, you want to socialise with your new found friends, and yes, you want to show them how cool you are. Tequila shots, downing pints of beer, drinking weirdly coloured cocktails. Fine; just know your limits. Especially in the first few weeks, because otherwise you're just known as the idiot who gets drunk all the time, and they'll be laughing at you when you do something stupid, or bemoaning the fact that you threw up during the hallway. After a while it just gets boring, and you lose any credibility that you might have amassed for yourself by telling everyone you're studying Physics. Not to mention it just makes you feel awful and you can end up doing quite a few things you'll later regret...
Don't Have An Orgy
Hold on; if there is actually an opportunity to have a real orgy, with like, more than 4 participants, then I don't think I'm in any position to suggest you pass up this opportunity. What I mean is, in the first few delicate weeks of fresher's, don't give yourself that reputation. Girls unfortunately have the short end of the stick here as they're much more easily labelled sluts, but guys will also lose the respect of their peers when they keep bringing whatever floozy they found at the club back to their room. You need to bear in mind that you're living with the same people for at least a year, and if they decide that you're just some sort of sexual predator, you aren't going to make a bunch of real friends. And that is what university is really about; networking. You want to make a friend who you can later call up when you're 33, knowing that they'll invest in whatever business proposal you've thought up because you once saved them from being beaten up by a bouncer, instead of walking into an important interview and finding that the person sitting on the other side of the desk is the woman you promised you'd call and then told all your bro's how she talks in her sleep. Not wise.
Side note: Just as an extra thing, not at all proven and can be wrong, but take some real care and put real thought into whether you want any sort of romantic relationship with someone that a) lives with you or b) is on your course. A) If the person lives with you, you've jumped a few steps of how relationships progress, effectively already meandering around the 'moving in' stage. IF this relationship turns sour, and because young people are generally pretty rubbish at dealing with hurt feelings, it can make your world really unpleasant for the rest of the year. You'll see them in the kitchen, the hallway, maybe on the way home, and if it ended badly, you'll resent the fact that you live on the same floor and may ostracise yourself from your house mates as a result. But hey, it can be great too. B) This is more or less the same thing, except you have to think that instead of just a year of seeing this person, it could be three, and you could be forced to work with them in a study group, presentation, or whatever. And there'll be a lot more people for the ex to influence against you, which can be tough if he/she is particularly renowned in your class. AND if it ends up working out and you too are blissfully in love, don't show everyone else in lectures - everyone hates the lovey-dovey couple who sit at the back sucking each others faces.
Don't Join All the Societies
This isn't such a big thing and is more a testament to how lazy I actually am. During the fresher's fayre or whatever event that your university will hold to introduce you to their extra-curricular activities, every society and club will seem like the thing that you've been dying to do but never had the time or money. The thing is, you still don't really have the time or money, and a lot of the things that you sign up for can suck. Unfortunately, they often ask for your e-mail or other form of address, so unless you can be bothered to go back to them and 'unsubscribe' yourself, you'll be stuck with updates as a reminder of how you're still sitting in your room liking people's statuses on facebook just as you did in your home town. Choose a few that you're genuinely interested in, go along, make friends, and have fun.
Don't Mess up the Kitchen or Communal Bathroom
This is one of the worst things that you can do in your halls of residence. Yes, you should feel like you can call your new accommodation your home, but no, this isn't your home. Your mother or father isn't going to clear your plates and wrappers away, nor is he/she going to wipe the surfaces down after you spill sauce over them. No, this is a communal kitchen; and yes, now and then you might forget to clean up a plate immediately, but keep it up for weeks and you'll piss people off. I have friends who had such bad conditions in their kitchen due to lazy house mates that the cleaners who routinely mop the floors actually refused to do their jobs because of the mass of rotting food next to the sink. And it's just sad to see one innocent house mate give up and clean it all up for them, because then they've won and they'll do it again next week. And of course, even worse is messing up the communal bathroom...you can use your imagination, but this has an added effect of severely damaging your attractiveness to anyone who pegs that you're the one who made that unsightly stain in the toilet. It's a flush system people! Figure it out or grab a goddamn brush - nobody else is going to do it for you!
Peace
Don't Take Too Much Stuff
I was definitely guilty of this during my first year, much to my father's (taxi's) chagrin. Yes, it is a big deal that you are moving out for probably the first time in your life, and yes, you want to make sure that wherever it is you're staying, it has all the things that make you feel at home, even when you aren't. But trust me, a lot of the stuff that you take, you really won't need. Obviously kitchen utensils, clothes, toiletries and all that, but you really don't need that much else because you just accumulate so much stuff while you're away (that's what student loans are for right?). At least limit yourself. That DVD collection can at least be put in a DVD wallet, and if you're a real film buff, just invest in a Lovefilm account or something. Don't buy the textbooks before you arrive; usually past students will be selling them for cheaper, and to be honest if you're sneaky you can find most textbooks in the university library. And plates and cutlery etc, how many do you really need? I know that they usually come in sets, but unless you're totally against washing up, you'll probably only need three plates at most; you aren't likely to be serving dinner for a host of people.
Don't Stay in Your Room
For a lot of people it can be hard to interact with strangers, and that's fine - there are more people in the world like that than you may think. But if you stay holed up in the safety of your room during the first few days while you acclimatise to your surroundings, you're going to find it really hard to get out of the bubble you make for yourself. Some people are okay with that, but if you want people to knock on your door to let you know that they're planning to go partying, you want them to be knocking to ask you to come along, not because they want you to let them back in at 2 in the morning because they know you'll still be up crying into your lonely pillow (exaggeration - it is possible to live at university and not particularly interact with your housemates; especially during your first year as it will be unlikely that you keep in contact with all of them after fresher's year is over)
Don't Get Smashed During Fresher's Week
Yes, you want to socialise with your new found friends, and yes, you want to show them how cool you are. Tequila shots, downing pints of beer, drinking weirdly coloured cocktails. Fine; just know your limits. Especially in the first few weeks, because otherwise you're just known as the idiot who gets drunk all the time, and they'll be laughing at you when you do something stupid, or bemoaning the fact that you threw up during the hallway. After a while it just gets boring, and you lose any credibility that you might have amassed for yourself by telling everyone you're studying Physics. Not to mention it just makes you feel awful and you can end up doing quite a few things you'll later regret...
Don't Have An Orgy
Hold on; if there is actually an opportunity to have a real orgy, with like, more than 4 participants, then I don't think I'm in any position to suggest you pass up this opportunity. What I mean is, in the first few delicate weeks of fresher's, don't give yourself that reputation. Girls unfortunately have the short end of the stick here as they're much more easily labelled sluts, but guys will also lose the respect of their peers when they keep bringing whatever floozy they found at the club back to their room. You need to bear in mind that you're living with the same people for at least a year, and if they decide that you're just some sort of sexual predator, you aren't going to make a bunch of real friends. And that is what university is really about; networking. You want to make a friend who you can later call up when you're 33, knowing that they'll invest in whatever business proposal you've thought up because you once saved them from being beaten up by a bouncer, instead of walking into an important interview and finding that the person sitting on the other side of the desk is the woman you promised you'd call and then told all your bro's how she talks in her sleep. Not wise.
Side note: Just as an extra thing, not at all proven and can be wrong, but take some real care and put real thought into whether you want any sort of romantic relationship with someone that a) lives with you or b) is on your course. A) If the person lives with you, you've jumped a few steps of how relationships progress, effectively already meandering around the 'moving in' stage. IF this relationship turns sour, and because young people are generally pretty rubbish at dealing with hurt feelings, it can make your world really unpleasant for the rest of the year. You'll see them in the kitchen, the hallway, maybe on the way home, and if it ended badly, you'll resent the fact that you live on the same floor and may ostracise yourself from your house mates as a result. But hey, it can be great too. B) This is more or less the same thing, except you have to think that instead of just a year of seeing this person, it could be three, and you could be forced to work with them in a study group, presentation, or whatever. And there'll be a lot more people for the ex to influence against you, which can be tough if he/she is particularly renowned in your class. AND if it ends up working out and you too are blissfully in love, don't show everyone else in lectures - everyone hates the lovey-dovey couple who sit at the back sucking each others faces.
Don't Join All the Societies
This isn't such a big thing and is more a testament to how lazy I actually am. During the fresher's fayre or whatever event that your university will hold to introduce you to their extra-curricular activities, every society and club will seem like the thing that you've been dying to do but never had the time or money. The thing is, you still don't really have the time or money, and a lot of the things that you sign up for can suck. Unfortunately, they often ask for your e-mail or other form of address, so unless you can be bothered to go back to them and 'unsubscribe' yourself, you'll be stuck with updates as a reminder of how you're still sitting in your room liking people's statuses on facebook just as you did in your home town. Choose a few that you're genuinely interested in, go along, make friends, and have fun.
Don't Mess up the Kitchen or Communal Bathroom
This is one of the worst things that you can do in your halls of residence. Yes, you should feel like you can call your new accommodation your home, but no, this isn't your home. Your mother or father isn't going to clear your plates and wrappers away, nor is he/she going to wipe the surfaces down after you spill sauce over them. No, this is a communal kitchen; and yes, now and then you might forget to clean up a plate immediately, but keep it up for weeks and you'll piss people off. I have friends who had such bad conditions in their kitchen due to lazy house mates that the cleaners who routinely mop the floors actually refused to do their jobs because of the mass of rotting food next to the sink. And it's just sad to see one innocent house mate give up and clean it all up for them, because then they've won and they'll do it again next week. And of course, even worse is messing up the communal bathroom...you can use your imagination, but this has an added effect of severely damaging your attractiveness to anyone who pegs that you're the one who made that unsightly stain in the toilet. It's a flush system people! Figure it out or grab a goddamn brush - nobody else is going to do it for you!
Peace
Monday 12 September 2011
Alex's Top Ten...
People to Subscribe to on YouTube
1. sxephil
Philip de Franco started off small, much like every other YouTube sensation, but now he's one of the bigger names on the daily Most Viewed lists. If you want to stay up to date with the news that matters to most people between 16 and 25, then the sxephil channel is the channel for you. He covers new in an amusing and satirical way that reminds you that not all American's are idiots; though a lot of them are. He's hosted shows dedicated to films, women, games and most recently; other YouTube videos, so if this Monday to Thursday news show isn't enough for you, then be sure to check those out too!
2. SHAYTARDS
Generally, I hate reality shows. Watching people live their lives in annoying and stupid ways just annoys me, so I have never been a fan. So you would presume that a daily vlog channel following of the lives of a bearded man, his wife, four children and extended family would annoy me equally as much. Except, the Shaytards (as you will end up calling them whether you like it or not) aren't a bunch of vacuous rich people who long to show the public that they aren't arseholes (except they are), instead what we have is a real family. Their lives are eccentric and far from normal, but the core family values behind each upload have amassed a humongous following. Shay (the father) shows me, as a young man, some of the best ways to raise your children, and he does so with a manic laugh and no fear of public rebuttal. You have to watch the regularly to understand why it's so addictive, and ever since the Shaytards graced my desktop monitor I've watched it as my morning show with my breakfast - a perfect and cheerful start to the day and I can tell I'm going to be incredibly depressed the day that Shay decides to hang up his camera.
As a kid, Dragon Ball Z was the show to watch on Cartoon Network. That isn't to say that it wasn't ridiculous, and because of this it is perfect material for parody, and they don't get better than this effort. So far following through to the Frieza saga, the dubbed over parody of DBZ always amuses and I for one am looking forward to following TeamFourStar through to the Buu saga and beyond.
Most people who have been on the internet for more than 5 years will have seen the Charlie the Unicorn videos (search if you haven't), and SecretAgentBob are the group behind it. Incredibly surreal but incredibly funny, the only problem is that these guys don't release media nearly fast enough.
5. collegehumor
Collegehumor are the big wigs of the internet now, and so they have cameos from some real Hollywood actors in their skits. A hell of a lot of media to browse through, and not all of it stays up on YouTube long enough, so you'd better subscribe to their channel if you want to keep up to date.
6. HISHEdotcom
HISHE (How It Should Have Ended) have released a number of good takes on some of the most popular films out there, something that has inspired others to do the same with other forms of media such as books or video-games. If I'm honest, the material has been less inspired of late, but there are quite a few in the back-logs that are worth a watch, though at the expense of probably ruining any film that you hold dear if you are overly sensitive.
7. KassemG
Kassem G has a, well, I guess you can call it a show where he approaches the fine people of California to discuss their thoughts on topics such as sex, drugs, films, etc etc. More often than not these Californians don't manage to present themselves in such a fine light, but Kassem G himself as the host is even more amusing in his ability to confidently create social awkwardness; welcoming it even. Now Kassem can be found in a variety of other YouTube media, most interesting being his one-on-one interviews with pornstars. He's hilarious in a 'oh my gawd I can't believe he just said that' sort of way, and definitely worth a follow as he is amongst the YouTube elite.
8. schmoyoho
I'm pretty sure you can't attribute the schmoyoho channel to the wave of 'autotuning' any weird, embarassing, or even completely ordinary videos to upload to the internet, but they are certainly the best at it. They have no shortage of classics, and if you've seen a funny person on the internet, be it Charlie Sheen or Antoine Dodson, you can bet that schmoyoho have got their own infinitely better and more musical version up, and you don't want to miss it.
9. Machinima
This channel is more for the geeks out there who love videogames. Mostly reviews and fan-videos; it can be hard to find what to actually watch amongst the masses of uploads. I particularly like the take on the normally speechless character from Half-Life (above), and there are definitely other channels to subscribe to. If you're a hardcore fan to a certain type of game, you'll likely find some sort of homage to it here.
10. klaatu42
Okay, this might just be me, but I find this sort of thing hilarious. I don't know if it's just how well the dubbing seems to be, or if I'm just weird enough to find talking animals really funny. And no, I'm not high at the time. If you like the idea of cats and dogs talking, then this is for you...I just realised how crazy that sounds
Sound off any other suggestions!
HISHE (How It Should Have Ended) have released a number of good takes on some of the most popular films out there, something that has inspired others to do the same with other forms of media such as books or video-games. If I'm honest, the material has been less inspired of late, but there are quite a few in the back-logs that are worth a watch, though at the expense of probably ruining any film that you hold dear if you are overly sensitive.
7. KassemG
Kassem G has a, well, I guess you can call it a show where he approaches the fine people of California to discuss their thoughts on topics such as sex, drugs, films, etc etc. More often than not these Californians don't manage to present themselves in such a fine light, but Kassem G himself as the host is even more amusing in his ability to confidently create social awkwardness; welcoming it even. Now Kassem can be found in a variety of other YouTube media, most interesting being his one-on-one interviews with pornstars. He's hilarious in a 'oh my gawd I can't believe he just said that' sort of way, and definitely worth a follow as he is amongst the YouTube elite.
8. schmoyoho
I'm pretty sure you can't attribute the schmoyoho channel to the wave of 'autotuning' any weird, embarassing, or even completely ordinary videos to upload to the internet, but they are certainly the best at it. They have no shortage of classics, and if you've seen a funny person on the internet, be it Charlie Sheen or Antoine Dodson, you can bet that schmoyoho have got their own infinitely better and more musical version up, and you don't want to miss it.
9. Machinima
This channel is more for the geeks out there who love videogames. Mostly reviews and fan-videos; it can be hard to find what to actually watch amongst the masses of uploads. I particularly like the take on the normally speechless character from Half-Life (above), and there are definitely other channels to subscribe to. If you're a hardcore fan to a certain type of game, you'll likely find some sort of homage to it here.
10. klaatu42
Okay, this might just be me, but I find this sort of thing hilarious. I don't know if it's just how well the dubbing seems to be, or if I'm just weird enough to find talking animals really funny. And no, I'm not high at the time. If you like the idea of cats and dogs talking, then this is for you...I just realised how crazy that sounds
Sound off any other suggestions!
Some of the new illustrations to pick up on
My main man Keiran has been hard at work lately - here's a few of his better pieces:
Rock Lee from the awesome manga; Naruto. One of the better characters and I like this take on him - gives him a darker look than usual
I really like this one - reminds me of Killer Croc from Arkham Asylum or some other monster from my nightmares
A cool Goku picture that I already used for one of my random posts; and I like the style; especially how Goku looks slightly more realistic with his weedy arms!
One of the best characters; Stringer Bell from The Wire which brought Idris Elba into the big leagues, and he's done justice here too
Visit Keiran's blog here for more samples of his work, and contact him for anything you personally want done!
An interesting picture called Depression - shows off different styles the guy can do
This is a great one - would probably be at home on a greetings card of some sort
Visit Keiran's blog here for more samples of his work, and contact him for anything you personally want done!
Sunday 11 September 2011
Anywhere but here
So when September rolls around in dreary London, life can get considerably more...well...dreary. School starts again for the young-folk, autumn begins to rear its poetic but aggravating head, and until I head back to University, I just get incredibly bored. And, as someone who often takes flights of fancy and a keen lover of science fiction and fantasy, I often like to think about where I would be if I were born in some of the amazing worlds thought up by Tolkien, Lucas and Whedon, to mention a few. So, to cure this boredom, and to remind myself how to type in something other than 'textspeak', I'm giving a run down on how that might pan out.
The Star Wars Universe
Middle Earth
What's Good - The Peter Jackson films did an excellent job of bringing Tolkien's work to life, and a lot of that was down to the lush lands of New Zealand. In any case, where Star Wars has spaceships and lasers, Middle-Earth has magic, swords and mountains. If you wanted a simple life; you can drink ale and grow vegetables with the Hobbits. Mystical lands of elves such as Rivendell and Lothlorien would fill anyone with intrigue. If things that are shiny tickle your fancy, join the dwarves in the mines where hearty meals are valued just as much as valuable metals. Gondor has white buildings of grandeur, and Rohan has glorious lands stretching along the West. Watching the Fellowship traverse these lands just made me want to emigrate to New Zealand and walk the mountains and greenery on my own with a sword at my side. Weird? Maybe, I'd take it over sitting at home at a computer everyday.
What's Bad - Yeeeeah so there are creatures running around that are all about killing and eating people, and pretty unsightly to look at. Then you have these weird cloaked figures that send chills down your spine and ride around on massive winged black beasts. There are fiery demons, vicious giant wolves, gigantic trolls, and one great overlord who pretty much wants to kill everyone from his aptly named Mount Doom. And that greenery I was admiring? The trees can come alive and decide to kill you, if they so please. Lovely.
Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh and Unova regions (Pokemon)
The Star Wars Universe
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What's Good - I love Star Wars, even the prequels, and I believe that the real thing that attracts the millions of fans of George Lucas' world long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, isn't the dialogue or the plot, but rather the impressive universe and lore that Lucas has created to inspire not only hundreds of novels, spin-offs, games and fanfiction, but the imagination of young kids and adults alike. My love of Star Wars comes from my father dutifully taking me to see the original trilogy when they were re-released in cinemas in the nineties, and since then I've wanted to be a Jedi, Bounty Hunter, X-Wing pilot, and during my riotous teenage years, a Sith Warrior. Who wouldn't want to fly around at lightspeed? Who wouldn't want to live on a planet made up of one huge city? Who wouldn't want a lightsaber or a furry friend who can rip the arms out of whoever pisses you off's sockets? I know I would.
What's Bad - So in the original trilogy, you're governed by an evil Emperor, which wouldn't be too bad if it wasn't for the army that used to police the Empire. Stormtroopers are generally rubbish at shooting the people that matter, can be thrown off the scent of fugitives by an old man waving his hands, and don't have any quarrels with burning people alive. If you want to be a Jedi, you have to wear girly robes all the time and seem to be banned from having any real fun. And your quality of life is probably dictated by what planet you end up on. I imagine living on Tattooine must be a pretty rough life, what with it being run by massive talking slugs, sandstorms, and slavery in open view. And unless you study the books that came after the films, you'd be hard pressed to find a good planet to raise a family on, if you were so inclined. Tattooine's out. Hoth? A frickin' ice planet. Mustafar? A world of lava. Geonosis? A rocky planet with weird bug-like locals. Coruscant works; not so much for farmers and the like. And Alderaan? Well, we know what happens there.
Middle Earth
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What's Good - The Peter Jackson films did an excellent job of bringing Tolkien's work to life, and a lot of that was down to the lush lands of New Zealand. In any case, where Star Wars has spaceships and lasers, Middle-Earth has magic, swords and mountains. If you wanted a simple life; you can drink ale and grow vegetables with the Hobbits. Mystical lands of elves such as Rivendell and Lothlorien would fill anyone with intrigue. If things that are shiny tickle your fancy, join the dwarves in the mines where hearty meals are valued just as much as valuable metals. Gondor has white buildings of grandeur, and Rohan has glorious lands stretching along the West. Watching the Fellowship traverse these lands just made me want to emigrate to New Zealand and walk the mountains and greenery on my own with a sword at my side. Weird? Maybe, I'd take it over sitting at home at a computer everyday.
What's Bad - Yeeeeah so there are creatures running around that are all about killing and eating people, and pretty unsightly to look at. Then you have these weird cloaked figures that send chills down your spine and ride around on massive winged black beasts. There are fiery demons, vicious giant wolves, gigantic trolls, and one great overlord who pretty much wants to kill everyone from his aptly named Mount Doom. And that greenery I was admiring? The trees can come alive and decide to kill you, if they so please. Lovely.
Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh and Unova regions (Pokemon)
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What's Good - The Pokemon games and cartoons were and still are one of the more popular franchises to come out of Japan, largely because of the imagination behind the monsters and the adventure that you would have to find them all. Just think; at ten-years old you're given a little companion to take out into the big wide world. With this little monster, you get to go out and capture more monsters in an attempt to bolster your party so that you can compete in battles between your Pokemon companions and other Pokemon collectors you bump into on your journey. You can prove your worth as a trainer in Pokemon Gyms or against the Pokemon Elite, or you can simply live your life with the help of your Pokemon in whatever life you choose to follow. The amount of characters that you would meet in the games or see in the cartoon who were simply living life with a Poke-pal showed how well thought-out this universe was. For people who love pets, why wouldn't you love a pet who also seems to have superpowers?
What's Bad - With all these ten year-olds running about with fire-breathing monsters, you gotta think that maybe they should have spent a while somewhere to learn a thing or two about the world around them. When I was ten, I don't think I'd survive too long out in the world alone, and if there are monsters running about that are literally three times my size, I don't think I'd feel too safe. Surely, if in our world, when a tiger gives in to the call of nature and kills some fool who tries to take a picture with it, and the tiger is eventually killed, then there must be a helluva lot of dead Arboks and Charizards around. And I'm guessing (or at least hoping) that if you live in this world, then you have to be a vegetarian, or else, what do you put in your hamburgers? Is there a special group of Pokemon collectors who only catch the tastier ones? We all know that there's a Pokemon that looks like a cow, and a sheep, and there are loads of bird-based Pokemon, so hitting Nandos would be a pretty gruelling experience. With that in mind, I would be in constant fear of living in this world, because the Pokemon in this series seem to have a certain amount of intelligence at least, and I have a feeling that once they figure out that their kind are caught, forced to live in a small ball, forced to fight one-another, or eaten, they'll go all Planet of the Apes on us and show us who's boss. That is, if they aren't all eating each other...it'd be a pretty terrifying thing to witness.
The Dragon Ball Universe
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What's Good - This franchise took up a lot of my younger life; I loved Dragon Ball Z with the grunting and quirky characters to boot. Most boys who watched it wanted to be a Super Saiyan, and have the ability to fly, and shoot lasers, and fight at the speed of sound with muscles that ripped your clothes from your body and bulged every time you tensed. And the world was pretty cool too; there were aliens, dinosaurs, magic wish-granting balls, dragons, giant beasts and a lot of humanoid animals...
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...and there are even these weird little capsule things that release everything from a motorbike to a fully functional apartment with all the furnishings...what could go wrong?
What's Bad - So if you weren't one of these special superheroes with super-strength and the ability to fly and all that jazz, then you could have a pretty normal life being...well, normal. The thing is, apparently living on a planet with such variety seems to attract people who, well, just want to destroy the world. And you know what, these magic dragonballs that grant wishes to whoever collects them all? It seems like only the superhero characters can ever find them, and these guys are hardly the great minds of our world. There should be a council, or a mass debate on whether to end poverty, cure a fatal disease...I don't know, maim Justin Bieber? But no, instead they decide to revive their most useless allies who seem to be intent on dying, all the time. Couldn't bring back someone actually important, no, just that guy who blew himself up while climbing on the back of a bald alien. Awesome.
The Black/The Firefly Universe
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What's Good - One of the most underrated and unjustly ended shows of the last twenty years, Firefly was Joss Whedon's creation after finishing with the Buffy and Angel series. Well written dialogue, lovable characters and a healthy injection of science-fiction amassed a cult following of Firefly, and I am proud to be one of these obsessive fans. The mix of western and sci-fi genres worked perfectly and had me yearning for a spaceship so I could speak like they do in True Grit, with a pistol on my hip and at the same time fly from planet to planet looking for the best way to earn some gold. It was a great story of people just battling to get by, and for the people who preferred the roguish Han Solo to Luke Skywalker (everyone) would want to live in this world too, to soar the skies, have shoot-outs and evade the authorities. And guess what. Not only is prostitution legal, but it's widespread and a respecting form of entertainment. These aren't the scary toothless prostitutes you hear about, rather ravishing, beautiful women who seem to hold a high public standing in this universe. How? Who cares! If Earth's fate really does go in this direction, I hope I'm around to see it (I won't be)
What's Bad - So yeah, the reason people are struggling to get by is because unless you're lucky enough to have grown up on one of the Alliance run planets, you have a pretty rough and impoverished life. Crime lords run the show on the outer-rim worlds, and if you weren't trying to avoid getting tied up with them, you'd be trying to avoid getting in the way of this Alliance entity that worked as the oppressive law that stamped down on the little man. But this is a mere annoyance compared to the real problem with living in this universe, the problem that scares even the gruffest of space cowboys; Reavers.
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Reavers are terrifying. To quote Zoe, if you are unfortunate enough, which is an understatement, to be caught by reavers; "...they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing - and if we're very very lucky, they'll do it in that order"......WHAT??!! Screw that.
There are many more worlds, but I'm out of time...add more!
Saturday 10 September 2011
Places that you don't want to work...
Sacred Heart Hospital (Scrubs)
Up-and-coming young doctor? Don't apply here; this place is a nuthouse. First of all, you'll be working with Doctors that drift off into their own worlds mid-sentence, and seem to enjoy subjecting those around them to what must be expensive practical jokes that cannot be for the benefit of the patient. Then you have the nursing staff, who seem very happy to let you know where you're going wrong and where you can shove it when you're going right. And don't expect support from the senior staff either; there only seems to be one on-call Attending for the whole hospital and he's sarcastic and egotistical ranter who will not only point out your mistakes but every flaw you've had since you were ten-years old. The Chief of Medicine? Don't even think about it, he's just as crazed as the rest of them. And I'm pretty sure the Orderly's and Janitors are insane.
The Jeffersonian (Bones)
Got a doctorate in any sort of anthropological or forensic field? This is not the place for you. For some reason, the fact that your superior aids FBI investigations means that you should too, and therefore you are likely to be shot at or abducted and buried alive during your term working at this prestigious location. The only perk is there seems to be some sort of magic computer that only a hippy artist can use, though she is involved with a strange entomologist who seems intent on blowing up parts of the institution in order to verify his findings. Not only that, but your superior is most probably autistic, not that that's a problem, but it can make her very difficult to work with.
Seattle Grace Hospital (Grey's Anatomy)
This hospital is certainly more effectively run than Sacred Heart, but where Sacred Heart has insanity flowing through it's halls, Seattle Grace has just raw emotion. A day doesn't seem to go by without one very attractive doctor telling another very attractive doctor some sort of life lesson in the form of a lengthy monologue, and every surgeon in the place seems to have a knack for projecting their own issues onto their patients in order to reach some sort of revelation in their own mind; it's like these people wouldn't be able to function unless a man with kidney failure wasn't going through a heartbreaking end to a long marriage could inspire them to also tend to their own romantic relationships. Also note, that all the surgeons seem to be sleeping with someone else in the hospital, and forget that this is a bad idea, especially since each surgeon seems to somehow grievously injure themselves every other month.
Hogwarts (Harry Potter)
The perks are, if you're a wizard or a witch, this is probably the only place in England to pursue a career as a teacher. But beware, it would seem that the headmaster of this school is quite happy to allow children to learn in a site that also houses a three-headed dog, a tree that will kill you if possible, stairs that will just change position no matter who is standing where, and an array of ghosts that have no problem lingering in the bathrooms of minors. There is also one small group of children that seem intent on not attending a Wizarding School to actually learn magic, but rather to just poke around at night and put themselves in harms way, to which the headmaster rewards with boiled sweets and preferential treatment. Also, teaching moody teenage children the ability to hex others and such is not a well thought out plan, and we have yet to figure out why there would be a restricted section of the library that is actually easily accessible to all students if they so please.
The Empire (Star Wars)
Being a soldier is surely tough work, even if your role is to police an Empire ruled by a dark lord. It doesn't get any easier when you are forced to wear what must be the most useless armour in the galaxy, an armour which cannot protect you from laser-bolts nor the clubs of a small teddy bear, and surely restricts your vision enough to force you to miss every shot you take. A typical day might have you murdering a family and burning them alive before blaming it on the indigenous dwellers, scouring an entire planet for droids in baking heat, being deployed to a planet that is either entirely ice, sand, or forest, or killing the furriest, most wide-eyed aliens you can find. And if you screw up there's a high chance that the Emperor's leather clad lackey will choke you to death with his magic powers. And you better hope you aren't stationed on any space ships, as they'll either plough through an asteroid field in the pursuit of one tiny ship, or they'll include a weak point in the ship that can essentially destroy everything from the inside...only to rebuilt AGAIN with what seems to be more or less the same flaw; a direct route to something that can blow up the entire thing!
Princeton Plainsborough (House M.D.)
Another hospital, with even more worrying problems. It doesn't matter where you work in the hospital, you're day can easily fall victim to the whims of one man and his team. A serious drug addict, this man insults both his colleagues and his patients, forces his workers to break into people's homes, and screws around with the Chief of Staff. Incredible illnesses can only be cured by this man, it seems, but it doesn't negate the incredible tests and strange procedures that are taken to rule out a diagnosis. A day working at Princeton Plainsborough must be a tense experience; you are just hoping that your path doesn't cross with this sociopath and his team.
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Up-and-coming young doctor? Don't apply here; this place is a nuthouse. First of all, you'll be working with Doctors that drift off into their own worlds mid-sentence, and seem to enjoy subjecting those around them to what must be expensive practical jokes that cannot be for the benefit of the patient. Then you have the nursing staff, who seem very happy to let you know where you're going wrong and where you can shove it when you're going right. And don't expect support from the senior staff either; there only seems to be one on-call Attending for the whole hospital and he's sarcastic and egotistical ranter who will not only point out your mistakes but every flaw you've had since you were ten-years old. The Chief of Medicine? Don't even think about it, he's just as crazed as the rest of them. And I'm pretty sure the Orderly's and Janitors are insane.
The Jeffersonian (Bones)
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Seattle Grace Hospital (Grey's Anatomy)
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This hospital is certainly more effectively run than Sacred Heart, but where Sacred Heart has insanity flowing through it's halls, Seattle Grace has just raw emotion. A day doesn't seem to go by without one very attractive doctor telling another very attractive doctor some sort of life lesson in the form of a lengthy monologue, and every surgeon in the place seems to have a knack for projecting their own issues onto their patients in order to reach some sort of revelation in their own mind; it's like these people wouldn't be able to function unless a man with kidney failure wasn't going through a heartbreaking end to a long marriage could inspire them to also tend to their own romantic relationships. Also note, that all the surgeons seem to be sleeping with someone else in the hospital, and forget that this is a bad idea, especially since each surgeon seems to somehow grievously injure themselves every other month.
Hogwarts (Harry Potter)
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The Empire (Star Wars)
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Princeton Plainsborough (House M.D.)
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Friday 9 September 2011
My Pokémon
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Charmander
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Vaporeon
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Out of the original evolution options for Eevee, I always thought Vaporeon looked the most elegant and seemed like the most useful, especially when I have Charmander with me. So for my water type, Vaporeon seems like the dude to go too. For some reason Flareon seemed too fluffy and Jolteon too, well, spiky. At least with Vaporeon I know that he's either going to be smooth or slimy.
Onix
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It is absolute bullcrap that Pikachu managed to down Onix in the anime series; Onix is a beast, sprinklers or no sprinklers. To be honest, when choosing a rock type, it's either Onix or it's Geodude, and for some reason I prefer the idea of having a massive rock-snake on my side than a floating rock with arms.
Scyther
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For most people, having a bug type on your team isn't all that - they aren't particularly useful. But does your bug have fricking blades for arms? I don't think so. Serious the coolest looking Pokemon ever; a great design feat from the same people that brought you...
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....a mentally challenged ice-cream cone....awesome.
Haunter
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If you have to choose between a Psychic Pokemon or a Ghost type, gotta go with Ghost type. I have no idea why Ash let Haunter go off to be some sort of jester for that bratty Gym Leader, because I'd have wanted Haunter on my team all the way to the Final Four. I don't really like his evolution into Gengar, however, just sort of looks like a fat purple guy with good dental work.
Pikachu
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Shut up, shut up, shut up. Pikachu may be a typical choice, but when you look at the other electric types available, can you blame me? I mean Electabuzz just never looked right to me, and I can't very well go with Jolteon since I already have Vaporeon on the time. And Voltorb and Electrode?? I don't really get how having Pokemon that look like Pokeballs would help me...and in the series they seemed to self destruct a whole lot, and I'm not down with terrorist Pokemon thanks. And sure I could have gone for Zapdos, but dude, that's a LEGENDARY Pokemon? How would I even catch it? Think about it, geez.
SO there you go, I would however want a special mention to Cubone, Nidorino, Arcanine and Hitmonlee as other favourites, but hey, you can't have them all.
Thanks... I don't know why you read this
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