Ten things we all do when watching the Olympics

1. Have a sudden interest in a sport you haven't followed since the last Olympics

"Ohhh wow, fencing is on! I love fencing - it's like the three musketeers!" No it isn't. There's no blood, they wear protection, and rather than drawn out swash-buckling action the aim is to be quick and precise. That being said, the sports that you neglected for four years do actually end up being pretty exciting once you sit down and get into it, it's just a shame that once the athletic track events roll around you've already forgotten that practically blind archer who you babbled to your friends about for a solid fifteen minutes.

2. Get behind athletes who you don't know anything about but happen to be representing your country

There are the big names that you've seen in the countless articles and advertisements in the lead up to the games, but you have to be really dedicated to know every member of your country's team. Maybe some people are, maybe they aren't, but it doesn't stop the small rush of excitement when you realise that yes, someone from your country is actually in this event. You may not have known we even had any good swimmers, or that the volleyball captain came from the town you passed through that one time way back when, but by god you'll be shouting what you think their name is when the pistol fires. Of course, if you are lucky enough to remember their name long enough after the event to appear knowledgeable to the next person you see, that's an added bonus.

3. Complain that a sport doesn't deserve to be in the Olympics

"Pshhh, synchronised swimming? Diving? Oh, come on, no way is shooting a sport!" Actually, you're wrong. Whether or not you give credence to a particular event doesn't make it any less impressive that the athletes taking part are the cream of the crop; the best in the world. Just because you managed to do a sweet somersault off your friend's diving board last summer does not mean that you can equate it to the level of diving at the Olympic games. The real reason you're upset? Because Ultimate Frisbee isn't an Olympic sport. You were SO good at that in college! What about beer pong?!

4. Get really confused by the rules and scoring systems

Gymnastics, archery, diving, handball, equestrian events - the minute you actually get your head around how the sport works or how it's scored, the events are over and whatshisname has won the gold even though you were pretty sure whoshisface did better. The terminology used in some of the events is ridiculous, especially as you could describe what that gymnast did as a super-duper-flip and feel much more confident that your colleagues would know what you were talking about.


5. Find gymnastics really awkward to watch

For all the female gymnasts who are in their young teens, you are amazed at their talent. For all the female gymnasts who are over eighteen, you are amazed at their talent but also quite happy that they're prancing around in make-up and leotards. It doesn't take away from the fact that they're awesome athletes; I'm sure they'd like to be known as attractive as well as Olympians. But good lord, you have to wait for the commentator to let you know how old that girl doing the splits is before you can decide which group they fall under.


6. Oppose an athlete for no real reason other than country or looks

"What's this? Germany in the final? Urgh, as long as we beat them and that really scary looking Serbian we're fine" Just because the Olympics is one of the best examples of what great things can come from the unification of cultures, doesn't mean we just give up our prejudices. Forget how hard that athlete must have worked to even qualify for this event - my country has a history with their country and that dictates how I react to their success. France may have some talented swimmers getting gold medals, but we still remember that they have a funny accent. Hmph.


7. Create memes based on Olympic events

Saw an athlete make a funny face or witnessed an unexpected win or loss? Better make sure a meme is made about it.

8. Get into heated arguments about the opening ceremony

"I don't get it? Oh please, why is THAT artist performing? Christ, how many countries are there? Can't they just do the USA and Great Britain first and put everyone else under Europe and rest of world?"

9. For some reason give a crap about an athlete's background

Somehow, knowing that the gymnast has an estranged relationship with her father, the archer originally wanted to be a geologist, or the wrestler went to the same boarding school as the British Prime Minister is suddenly key information and something to be brought up at the dinner table whenever someone notes how impressed they were with said sportsman.


10. Become increasingly depressed about not taking P.E. more seriously

We all know it's true, we could have been at that Olympics, and you know we would have been making shout-outs to all our homies when the camera pans around to us. Maybe it isn't too late - you were pretty fast when you had to catch that train the other day. Oh, and your grandma always says how strong you are lifting those boxes - I bet you could lift 145kg no sweat. How hard can water-polo be really? That's it, I'm training for Rio 2016 - I'm sure I can fit a training regimen around work, a social-life and playing through Diablo III and....what? I need to cut out carbs? Well...maybe I'll just force my future children to live out my newly discovered dreams for me.

In other news...

Olympics 2012

The London 2012 Olympic ceremony has begun and what a ceremony it has been. Gotta say, I was impressed and I tip my hat off to Danny Boyle for making a ceremony that reaches out to the British public as much as it excites any foreign viewers who likely missed a lot of the nods and in-jokes that were embedded. Highlights for me were the appearances of Kenneth Branagh and Rowan Atkinson, the skit involving James Bond and the Queen (like, the actual Queen), and the extravagant dances illustrating British literature and music. Londoners in particular might have grumbled and moaned about the many failings leading up to the Games and the prospect of heavy crowding and congestion, but in the end we were all really looking forward to the Olympics arriving here and you can bet that we'll be glued to our televisions to see a moment of national history - the Olympics might come to Britain again during the lives of our younger children, but for many of us this is a once in a lifetime event and one that'll hopefully be positively etched in our memories for decades. So, be ready to shout out your support for your favourite athletes in your favourite events this summer, I know I'll be looking out for Jessica Ennis, Mo Farah, Mark Cavendish and a score of other British athletes hoping to make their country and hometown proud. Some sports might be seen as less impressive than the big track and field events, but you have to remember that in order to get to this point these athletes literally have to become the best of the best, the best in their country, in order to have the opportunity to try and become the best in the world for at least one moment in history. Pretty big achievement for all involved.

Alex Reviews...

The Dark Knight Rises

I'm sure the luckier among you were able to find a cinema still with seats open to see one of the most anticipated films of the year. The Avengers might have whet your need for superhero action for a while, and The Amazing Spiderman might have...well...reminded you that not all comic adaptations are epic (just my opinion, I know many people liked it...just not many that I'm friends with), but The Dark Knight Rises has been the film that everyone's really been waiting for, albeit with baited breath. Can Nolan and Bale hit the same mark of greatness they achieved in the last Batman outing? In my books, yes, yes they can. 

Now, I can't in good faith give away too much about the film because it hasn't been out nearly long enough to presume that everybody has seen it. So I will just give a quick run through of what you can look forward to:

New Villains: The Dark Knight introduced Batman's most infamous nemesis - The Joker, and that paired with the performance of the late Heath Ledger meant that many, including myself, wondered if The Dark Knight could be topped. Then we heard that The Dark Knight Rises would include Bane - one of the more interesting villains that if you have a moment you should look up, and Catwoman. The boots of Bane are filled by a British superstar Tom Hardy who again manages to bulk up to a simply ridiculous size to portray the hulking villain, yet still retains the presence and charisma that showed the young actor to be a ever rising talent. Bane is a much more grounded villain who has just as strong ideals as The Joker, but none of the insanity. He may not show a love for wanton destruction, but he is not shy of it either, and he really does manage to capture every scene he is a part of. There's something about the way he talks and the somewhat relaxed demeanour of Bane that makes him a truly chilling villain, and although The Joker was terrifying for a different reason, Bane by no means is an easy follow-up for our caped crusader.

Not only that, but Catwoman has entered the fray and plays a prominent role in the fate of Gotham this time round. Anne Hathaway was, perhaps unfairly, a slight worry for the role - though that may be because the more recent renditions of Catwoman would seem out of place for Nolan's Batman franchise. But, come on, this is Chrisopher Nolan we're talking about here. I personally think Catwoman, and Hathaway, are a welcome presence in this film and although some of her lines are a bit grating, she makes up for it by not simply being a ridiculous sex kitten character, but a fleshed out icon that strengthens rather than tarnishes the series. 

Darker Batman? - The plot of The Dark Knight Rises certainly makes no effort to pull any punches so expect a much higher body-count that previous outings and just as much emotional investment. This film is meant to take place a good while after the events of The Dark Knight and the fate of those involved in that film, so expect to see the fallout as a result. Gotham is different, and so is Bruce Wayne. Christian Bale allows us to see a lot more of Bruce Wayne this time around, and the struggles he has to go through in making the choice to be a hero for his city. I'm glad that Bale's acting chops have been recently recognised by an Academy Award, and he fires out another stellar performance this time round, reminding you that Batman is Bruce Wayne and Bruce Wayne is not unbreakable - he needs to overcome a lot in this film. 

Not the lone hero - The other element of the Nolan Batman films that have made them so exemplary is the level of talent in the support cast and the thought that goes in to the development of the support characters. Alfred (Michael Caine), Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman), and Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman) are all back in force, and with such acting talent at the helm you can expect some meaty performances on the good-side of the table. Then we have the new characters of Blake and Miranda Tate, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Marion Cotillard respectively. Blake, a young 'hot-headed' police officer who is determined to take a hands on approach to helping Gotham and Batman, and Miranda Tate who has visions of helping Gotham from a different position, allying herself with Bruce Wayne and Wayne enterprises in their ventures for a better city. The title fight may be between Batman and Bane, but Batman can't do it alone. 

Twists, turns and tie-ins - For those of you have seen Nolan's other films and other Batman editions, you will know that you can expect an exciting and rough ride in terms of plot, and The Dark Knight Rises manages to keep a tension that builds steadily and keeps hold of threads that have carried over from the previous films. This is Nolan and Bale's last Batman film, and they finish gloriously. The plot isn't hard to follow so you won't feel lost at any point, but it is intriguing enough to hold your attention anyway. Fans will probably spot things that others wouldn't but there is enough excitement and enough surprises to keep everyone entertained. 

The other bits - Just for those who are interested, expect the same booming scores from Hans Zimmerman - hope that your cinema gets the sound levels right as at some times the music can make the dialogue a little hard to decipher, though not at particularly important points. There's a heap load of action, Bat-gadgets and explosions, but what is different about this Batman is how much of it is set in daytime. I think this shows that Batman is forced, at points, to come out of his element of darkness to deal with an enemy who is a far larger challenge than he has yet to have faced, and it won't be as easy as jumping up behind enemies with a swoosh of a cape. The film itself is long, very long, but it's definitely worth it and doesn't really slow down enough to remind you how much time you've been sitting down. 

So, general consensus? The Dark Knight Rises is an amazing end to a spectacular trilogy. If you haven't seen the preceding films, the length and drama might be a bit overwhelming, but why would anyone see the last film of a trilogy without seeing the lead up? Madness. It is a shame that there won't be any more Bale and Nolan Batman outings, but everyone knows that the longer a franchise runs the higher the risk of it losing its magic touch, so its reassuring to know that the Batman can finish on a high. 

I would also like to add that my thoughts go out to those who were affected by the tragedy surrounding the premier showing of this film in Aurora, Colarado. There is really nothing I can say that can describe how devastating and unfair the world can be, and I really hope that everyone wishes strength and compassion for those involved.

Alex Reviews...

The Amazing Spiderman

I'm going to quickly list the good parts of this film, just to get it out of the way. Don't worry, it won't take long. Firstly; the acting is pretty solid, despite the somewhat questionable material - Emma Stone, Andrew Garfield, Michael Sheen and Rhys Ifans to name a few stars. Secondly; there are some funny moments. Not many, but a couple. Thirdly; when you do see Spiderman, he's pretty sweet, his fight scenes work well and are exciting enough. Other than that, I honestly can say I'm not entirely sure why this film was made (other than to obviously allow Spiderman to enter The Avengers at some point? Maybe?) and I don't know why anyone would choose to see it over the Tobey Maguire and Sam Raimi editions that weren't made long enough ago to justify a reboot. X-Men: First Class was good because it offered something new that made sense in regard to the previous films. The Amazing Spiderman is a re-boot, and so it re-tells the story of Spiderman and reintroduces the characters. The problem is, it doesn't have the heart of the previous Spiderman films, and if you have already seen those original films then you will find the 'Amazing' version diluted in comparison. 

So where does The Amazing Spiderman go wrong? The original Spiderman films were great because you really cared about the characters and the struggles that come with being the masked superhero for Peter Parker. The Spiderman character was, at least in the first two films, a character you were really rooting for. But Amazing doesn't have the same heart. Andrew Garfield is a great actor, but his Peter Parker just seems like a ass-hat teenager, with none of the awkwardness or innocence that Tobey Maguire managed to convey. I have to stress that this isn't Garfield's fault, just the material that he was given. Emma Stone plays Gwen Stacey brilliantly, but her relationship with Peter Parker seems rushed with none of the sweetness and torment that was found with Mary-Jane. There is barely a relationship with Aunt May, and although Uncle Ben's inevitable demise is just as depressing as any other rendition, the relationship he had with his nephew just wasn't as tight. I won't talk about the villain as that could be seen as a spoiler, but their intentions and character are weak. The main character is of course, Spiderman, the alter-ego of Peter Parker. And again, he's just not that amazing. We barely have any chance to see Spidey fighting crime, and for goodness sakes, the guy just won't keep his mask on. Seriously, the amount of stuff Peter Parker seems to do with his face fully on show is ridiculous. There's a point where Spiderman is asked to identify himself by a cop, and retorts something along the lines of "you guy's really aren't understanding the point of the mask" - yet he reveals himself to Gwen Stacy, swings around in plain clothes and attacks criminals with nothing other than a hat. Spiderman was always meant to struggle with keeping his big secret, and it was a big deal when villains found out his true identity. The way this villain finds out is...urgh.

So the characters aren't as approachable and you won't care as much about them or their relationships with each other. What else? The plot isn't particularly complex which is fine, but it seems to take too long to arrive at the important parts and as a result rushes and squashes a lot into the last half an hour. I don't know much about direction, but there were certain shots where you can view from Spiderman's perspective, which although interesting at first, gets boring and jarring on the third or fourth time. The music, at points, seems completely out of place - I never thought I'd miss Danny Elfman. There are too many odd "what the hell, really?" moments - too many "yeah that doesn't quite work" moments, even for a superhero film. The CGI effects and what-not are commendable, and although I don't like the general look of the main villain, they do a good job of bringing them to life. Everything else falls flat.

So, I really wasn't convinced by this web-slinging romp. Long, not boring but not as exhilarating as the other superhero films out at the moment, and severely pales in comparison to the other Spiderman and Marvel films.

BUT

Emma Stone

In other news

New Lynx Range

Yes, the Lynx (or Axe) adverts are generally ridiculous and some may take offence to the scantily clad models that lust after those who buy it, but the adverts are also generally hilarious. These new short adverts which can be picked on the YouTube homepage at the moment are pretty funny, so I thought I would collect and share them for you. The Party Girl above - the amount of times I've broken my own code of 'never dance' to try to keep an energetic stunner entertained, just to have her leave with a wave and nothing more; who knew I just needed the right Lynx showergel!

The Sporty Girl - I knew I should have taken up a real sport to excel at - Ultimate Frisbee only impresses women who actually play Ultimate Frisbee. Damnit.

The High-Maintenance Girl - I learnt the hard way that you should never accompany a girl shopping unless you are going out with them or at least have the possibility of being rewarded for your patience. I mean seriously, do women actually think we would volunteer to do this for free?!

The Brainy Girl - I suppose feigning interest in something intellectual is more rewarding than feigning interest in celebrity gossip or The Only Way is Essex

The Flirty Girl - perhaps my favourite and the most heart-breaking girl. If you've ever been with a girl like this, I applaud you for your perseverance, confidence and ability to not sucker punch every guy who makes eyes at your woman. If the above ever happens, however, you don't need my applause.